Will the Real Leaders Please Speak Up. (before another abused child lands in intensive care)

While Israel's headlines have had a respite from child abuse cases these past few weeks the problem obviously has not gone away. The current focus may be on the American father who murdered his three children, and on the Austrian who imprisoned and repeatedly raped and impregnated his daughter, but let's not presume that in Israel our children are now safe.

Since the rash of abuse cases that surfaced last month, no steps have been taken toward implementing changes in government policy regarding child abuse/neglect. Likewise no warnings by any Rabbis about the dangers inherent in physical punishment have been publicized. Instead, all we heard during the weeks preceding Pesach was a chorus of Rabbis exhorting their followers to protest against the sale of bread on the holiday.

And with that crisis now swept under the carpet, new "pashkevilim" - billboards - have appeared in my neighborhood publicizing the latest threat: It seems that some Yeshiva boys who travel north during "bein hazmanim"((i.e.vacation) to Tzfat and Tiveria and stay in hotels or boarding houses - i.e. tzimerim - gain access to DVD's and televisions resulting in "spiritual deterioration" according to the billboards. The Rabbis have consequently banned any and all such outings by Yeshiva boys unless "absolutely necessary" and then, only in organized groups.

Why don't we hear of the same concern, outrage, and intervention by these Rabbis with regard to children who are suffering abuse and neglect, silently and secretly behind the closed doors of their own homes -cum -prisons?

Where is their admonishment to refrain from laying hands or other weapons on children's bodies? Where are their words of wisdom explaining to clueless parents that the caution of King Solomon "He who does not use the stick hates his child", like so many other Biblical writings, need not be taken literally? Where are the sorely lacking high school parenting courses that would train prospective parents; courses that would equip them with the skills and tools to discipline their children without physical punishment?

Yesterday, Ynet published the first interview given by the mother of twelve, leader of the "burqa cult", who has been charged with severe child abuse. From her home in Ramat Bet Shemesh where she is under house arrest and barred from any contact with her children, she attempted a lengthy but lame self- defense. Little does she realize that most of what she told the reporter, (in writing, by the way, since she rarely deigns to break her vow of silence) is actually incriminating. Her lawyer must have taken the day off and is now, after reading the article, presumably tearing her hair out.
First, the accused conceded she hit them:
"Nothing of the kind ever happened. I never abused my children. If I hit them, it was nothing more than spanking, and even that didn't happened more than once every couple of months, educational spankings."
At one point she sounds confused:
"'There's a proverb – He who spares the rod hates his son, she said when confronted with the allegations she used to chain her children to a chair and hit them. 'It tells of how Solomon's mother tied him up and bit (sic) him until the Messiah emerged. The kids read it and decided to act is out. It was a game.'"

At another point she puts her sanity in question and bares her megalomania:
"'I realize the heavens have sent me to see how miserable the people of Israel are. It's like they told me – You have to see what's really going on and who needs you to pray for them'".

Finally, at the reporter's suggestion, she pens a message for her children which makes one pray hard she never regains parental custody:
"'My sweet children, I love you very much,' she wrote on a piece of paper, 'and I'm not angry at any of you. I love God more than anyone.'"

If our lawmakers and Rabbis were to give this problem the attention it deserves many changes would follow. First, neighbors, teachers, friends and relatives of abused children would be less reluctant to report the parents. Currently, the fear of meddling, violating the edict against "lashon hara" (i.e. slander) or of involving the secular criminal justice system all restrain witnesses of abuse/neglect from notifying the appropriate authorities.

Second, legislation protecting children could be enacted. While I personally advocate a law against any physical punishment of children I would settle for one that protects only children under 4 years of age. I would not expect the law to be upheld too often since there would rarely be witnesses to its violation. However, I believe that its mere enactment would deter many parents from hitting their children and would encourage those who suspect abuse to report it promptly. The victims in the recently reported cases suffered abuse over long periods of time.

Finally, there are regulations short of the (admittedly controversial) no-spanking law which could minimize abuse and neglect. One such regulation, enacted by the Ministry of Education in the last decade, forbids nursery/kindergarten teachers from sending a child home alone. I remember neighbors who, even in the most inclement weather, sent their four year old alone to school, a walk which involved crossing three streets. She wore a key around her neck because she was expected to return at the end of the morning to an empty house and wait alone for several hours until an older sibling returned from school. The teachers saw nothing wrong with this arrangement. I did, though. Despite my child's protests that this girl tormented her in school,
I could not in good conscience leave her to fend for herself particularly since she lived only three buildings away from us. I brought her to my house, fed her and only sent her home after she confirmed that someone was there. But I never reported the neglect, something I regret to this day.

With the new regulation in place, it would be a lot harder for parents to get away with that sort of neglect.