Mothers

Two sordid stories involving chareidim have hit the headlines this week. One, emanating from Australia, is a mind-blowing tale of ongoing molestation of female high-school students by their Israeli principal, Malka Leifer. The second, a local, Israeli one, and even more shocking, is of the tortuous abuse of two toddlers, both hospitalized, one of whom is still unconscious.

The usual arguments will be bandied back and forth: such crimes are not any more rampant in the Chareidi world than elsewhere; Chareidim are just human like everyone else; their abuse incidents are just higher profile because they are scrutinized more closely than other sectors, etc. And the counter lines: It's all because they suppress their emotions and eschew mental health treatment because of the stigma it carries; their youth are naive, ignorant of molestation because of their insular upbringing and as such are easy prey.

I would like to focus on one more counter argument: the fact that Chareidi women are virtually forced, even if only psychologically, to bear children on an annual basis. Many of them do not particularly love children and even if they do, are unequipped to deal with such a deluge of them. I have witnessed neglect first hand in the homes of my Chareidi relatives. Babies left lying on narrow sofas because "nothing will happen"; babies handed to siblings and, "oops", dropped on Israeli stone floors; babies left unattended with full bottles propped up and in their mouths while mother goes out swimming; babies left howling, unconsoled in the pusher while mother, entirely unfazed, carries on chatting with her sisters at a family simcha; babies sent to the swimming pool to be supervised in the water by siblings, children themselves. These are practices that were not concealed because they were deemed perfectly acceptable by the mothers. Heaven only knows what went on behind closed doors.

The women involved in both of this week's breaking news stories were obviously not suited for the lifestyle that was inflicted on them by Chareidi dictates. The lesbian principal should never have married a man. The abusive mother, not financially oppressed by the way, given her upper-class address, should never have had children.

As the devoted mother of a profoundly disabled teen, I am personally incensed by both of these stories. I have always felt that people who cannot appreciate their healthy, sweet, innocent children should not be permitted to raise them. But the perpetrators of the abuses currently grabbing headlines obviously deserve nothing short of long prison terms. Unfortunately, I doubt that justice will be done to them. We can only shudder to ponder how many other children still suffer, silently, helplessly, at the hands of parents and educators like these two.